Me Before You: A Monk, A King and A Disabled Metaphor Fallacy
Me Before You: A Monk, A King and A Disabled Metaphor Fallacy
“I know this can be a good life, but it's not my life, it's not even close. you never saw me before, I loved my life. I really loved it. I can't be the kind of man that just accepts this.”
“You're not giving it a chance. You're not giving me a chance.”
“I don't want you to miss all the things someone else can give you.”
-Me Before You, 2016
There is a deeply warranted sentiment in the disability community to not give Me Before You anywhere near the time of day. I couldn't agree more. This film, and the novel it's based on, severely misrepresent disability in all its varied forms. Crafting a story housed in the belief that life is only worth our physical prowess and selfish desires. Me Before You is ableism at Its most tyrannical and suffocating. It seems as if our world wants disability to vanish into oblivion, and Me Before You prolongs that horrific stereotype, with no care for its end.
Perhaps caused by a cruel twist of fate, the film adaptation of Me Before You Is a radiant gem. It is a beautifully orchestrated love story, between an extraordinarily wealthy quadriplegic young man and a quirk of a girl. As an irresistibly charming caregiver, Louisa Clark tries to bring Will Traynor out of his trauma ridden shell. In a miraculous way, Me Before You takes this simple yet affecting premise, and breathes real life and emotional weight into every perfectly framed shot. Me Before You is romantic filmmaking at its highest caliber
I know what you might be thinking, and no, Me Before You is not an after school special in any way. Louisa does not wallow in Will’s pain; she calls him on it. Making Will realize that his accident does not define him. His life can continue, and be better for it. Louisa is Will's reminder that our life is not dictated by our trauma, but by what we can do in spite of it. Louisa, In turn comes to love Will, not because of his disability, but because of the person his disability has allowed him to become.
Here, the film does a remarkable thing: it begins to show that true love does not come from tearing off your clothes and jumping into bed together. Love comes from real connection, knowing the other person more than you know yourself. Louisa's care for Will, reveals an often sidelined aspect of an inter-abled relationship. Real intimacy emanates from caregiving, it's not a burden, it's a form of love.
Okay, before I begin to pat my own disability on the back, and praise it for its romantic capabilities, I know you're asking one thing. Why is this movie so horrifically misguided in its understanding of disability? It's simple, the film couches all of this romance in Will's burden complex. To be clear, Louisa and Will are truly in love. Louisa does what she does for Will, not out of pity, but because she loves him. Though Will ultimately sees himself as nothing more than a burden. A cage for Louisa's unlived potential.
“I don't want you to miss all the things someone else can give you.”
-Me Before You, 2016
Me Before You, treats love as one-sided. In essence, if I think my disability is a burden on other people's happiness, then apparently, the best thing for me to do is to not exist In that person's life. There are many problems, and moral implications with this outlook on life, though with the lens of love its flaws are even more apparent. Will's issues are not with his disability. His real issues stem from the fact that he doesn't know what love is. He is so preoccupied with himself that he misses the point. Love is not about what somebody else can give Louisa. It's about what he can give Louisa.To reiterate, Will can give Louisa everything she would ever want. For sure, what he can give, need not entail his death.
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
-John 15:13, NIV
Will's medically assisted suicide is the thematic pivot point by which Me Before You turns. Though, this thematic choice has one major flaw, besides the suicide in and of itself. It overwhelmingly misjudges what this stance says about the dignity of living with a disability or chronic illness. It is effectively a line in the sand. A trumpet blast, one that proclaims to the wider able-bodied society that disability is nothing more than a disease to be eradicated, because to them, there is no value in it.
I don't think I need to say it, but this is where Me Before You begins to fall apart. Apparently, Will's choice to end his life comes from a place of love, akin to the love of Jesus's death on the cross. Will wishes to sacrifice himself. So that Louisa can have a better life. A life without the burden of him
By way of the selfless sacrifice of a group of Trappist monks, Me Before You attempts to metaphorically bridge the gap between Will's decision to end his life for Louisa's sake, and the redemptive sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. Let's pull back for a second here. The Trappist monks in question are those found in the film Of Gods and Men. Using a film within a film is a well honored tradition to convey theme and metaphor, and surprisingly, Me Before You uses the technique very well here, at least in the narrative sense. Allowing Will and Louisa to engage with the film's themes and break them down effectively. Revealing to us two thematic choices.. A choice to stay, and possibly sacrifice yourself for those you care for, or the choice to leave and live your life as you see fit.
You may have an inkling already, a small furloughing of the brow as you discover how Me Before You misinterprets this idea of sacrifice. First off, the sacrifice of the Trappist monks and the death of Jesus on the cross are comparable because they are real historical events. Secondly, the sacrifice these events demonstrate is related to the act of staying. Living with those you love, through all the pain and struggles of life. Finally, when it comes to the necessity of death, both the Trappist monks and Jesus are not dying just to die. They are seeking after life. Resurrection for all.
Will on the other hand, dies for no reason. His suicide is a result of a young man's misinterpretation of the hand he is dealt. For some inexplicable reason, Will rather live as the self absorbed prick he was before his accident, or die Will says that Louisa is the one thing that keeps him going. Yet, he doesn't realize how her love, and his quadriplegia has changed him for the better. If that isn't disconnected from reality, I don't know what is.
Having a disability or chronic illness can be difficult, that's for sure. Though, we need to allow others to love us for who we are, not who we were. That is how we find the true value of our dignity as disabled people, as valued members of society. Not in spite of our disabilities, but because of them. Me Before You loses its grip on this truth with profound precision. Will does not give Louisa the chance to love him for who he is, a disabled man.
“Knowing that you still have possibilities is a luxury. Knowing that I might have given them to you has eased something for me."
-Me Before You ,2016
Lord knows, I would love to compare my life in some way to the redeeming sacrifice of Jesus. But, as with that historical event, my disability is not a metaphor for someone being better off without me. Let's be honest here, that’s not love, nor is it anywhere near the sacrificial metaphor Me Before You tries to emulate, and or construct. Disability is a real lived experience, and it should be treated as such.
I'm not sure what author Jojo Moyes' relationship is with disability. Though, if it is anything like her novel Me Before You, I am truly sorry, I really am. However, that does not justify waving Disability around like you’ve found your dad's loaded shotgun.
Me Before You is recklessly dangerous. It uses disability as a narrative device for pity, rather than a lens, in which to see the real world. Perpetuating a stereotype that persistently traps disabled individuals in a cycle of self-hatred. Disabled men, In particular, are continually told that our lives don't matter. Me Before You Is the lie that is lodged deep in my brain. The lie that was, and sometimes still is, whispering its vile words into my ear: "Oh thank God I'm not you. If I were you I would kill myself. You can't walk, what woman would ever love you for who you are?"
These lies are untrue of course. I know that now. Though it's taken me 37 years to realize it, and it is still a process. Though imagine if I had that revelation 20 years ago when I was 17? As the saying goes, “Don't cry over spilled milk.” We learn from our past, and I am deeply thankful for that reality. All I'm saying is, we can do better for those who come after us. Especially, when it comes to disability representation in media.
Rated PG-13 for thematic elements and some suggestive material
Me Before You is available to stream on Amazon Prime Video with a subscription. It is available to purchase on any digital video streaming service. It is also available physically on DVD and Blu-ray disc.
Though completely misguided, Me Before You is an impressive example of how the world at large perceives disability. The film is worth watching, if only to see and help fight against the misconceptions that people with disabilities face on a daily basis.
Recommendations
Here are two wonderful true, and or true to life examples of disability and relationship. Just note, I don't agree with everything that occurs in these stories, I am not these people.
The Fault in Our Stars by John Green: : http://audible.com/pd/The-Fault-in-Our-Stars-Audiobook/B09VQ572P3?eac_id=134-7260084-8402931_43kU4w6h99&eac_link=8OioEIqWrerC&eac_selected=B09VQ572P3&eac_selected_type=asin&loginAttempt=true&qid=43kU4w6h99&ref=web_search_eac_asin_1&sr=1-2
Roll with Cole & Charisma YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mw8ZeWMZzuk
As an added bonus: Here is a funny and Insightful review of the Me Before You novel, done by a man with quadriplegia. (It's not me):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9bkWJtm-mU
Bonus number two: a review of the movie from a paralyzed woman's perspective::
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTEevPGIEY4
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